The University of Living

(image credit Kristina)

Ever since I moved back home (long story – mostly involving my medication causing severe anxiety attacks and an existential crisis at 18) I have been peppered over and over again with the same question:

“When are you going back to school?”

I hate it. Every time someone asks me it, I smile (mostly to hide my cringe) and say “Eventually, once I figure things out.” That answer, although true at face value, isn't entirely accurate. Honestly, at this point in my life, I don't feel like going back to school.

I don't, not because I'm not smart enough, or because I'm scared, or because I'm lazy and really, really LOVE staying at home while everyone else is off getting degrees. No, I'm not going back right now because I don't want to end up with a mountain of debt on my shoulders. A mountain of debt that the world and my country show no signs of decreasing or easing the burden of. I'm not going because I don't want to go to school for a simple piece of paper that doesn't guarantee me a job anymore. I'm not going because my spirit and I cannot handle the HUGE amounts of stress students are put under on a regular basis. I'm not going because that stress makes me very, very sick. I'm not going because I'm tired. Tired of being classified as a 7 digit number in a computer system. I'm tired of bell-curves that shove good, honest students to the sidelines. I'm tired of crappy profs who are simply teaching due to tenure. I'm sick of everyone having their hands out and demanding fees stretched far above their actual price. I'm just sick of it all.

I'm tired of being simply another way to make easy money. I'm tired of my education meaning little more than that fabled certificate at the end of it. I'm tired of feeling obligated to go back in to a school system that is so obviously and inherently broken, and paying for it. Supporting it. Simply because it's 'the thing to do.'

Yes, I know a degree can help me get places. I am all too painfully aware of that. But sit down and take a good, hard look at the University system. Look in to what you're paying for, and what you're getting. Look at what your son, daughter, niece, uncle, cousin, friend, mother, or whoever else is going to school is going through. Look really hard at the stress, the money, the quality of teaching, how happy they are with it all.

And you'll probably see some really, really big cracks. You'll see a lot of things that just don't add up. Some people are ok with them. Some are so happy with them that they can't see them. But to me, those are big, big problems that nobody seems real intent on fixing. Those are problems that I cannot overlook. And until I find a school that agrees with me, that suits me and my apparently exhaustive list of demands, I can focus on myself. I can focus on figuring out what I want to do, who I want to be, all the while gaining experience you simply cannot get in a school system.

Consider it...homeschooling, for the University student.

No, I may not be writing essays and exams in huge rooms full of students. But I'm writing about things that are important to me. No, I may not be being graded for my work, but I'm getting experience that is worth far more than 20% of my grade. Instead of lectures, I'm watching TED talks for free, in the quiet of my room. Instead of struggling to read textbooks chosen for me, I'm reading feminist literature, children's books, fantasy, history, psychology and Art books, books I would never think of reading, or have the time to read. I'm writing books as I read them. I'm making art as I see it. I'm walking, running, dancing, because I have time to and because I have the chance to. I'm slowly building the foundation for my own entrepreneurial ventures. I am researching, note-taking, informing and changing. I am taking action, making changes and learning, constantly, daily. I am a part of a different kind of University.

A University I have built up on my own.

And maybe, maybe one day, I'll go back to the Big U of whatever it will be, and I'll get that degree that I 'need' to get. But I'll do it when I want to, on my own terms. Until then, I will be here, taking daily walks that inspire and relax. I will be here, making the art I have dreamed of making since I was little. I'll be here, doing barre work, teaching dance, Girl Guiding and swimming weekly.

I am a student. I will always be a student. And no degree will ever add up to enough knowledge for this hungry mind. Life is my University. I am a student of the Universe. And believe me, it is teaching me wonderful things.