Oh, Motherhood...

 (source)

I have something to admit, here.

I don't want to have kids.

Now, I know some people are going to jump to attention, and start chiming in “Oh, honey, that will change once you're older. Once your clock starts ticking, those eggs start disappearing, you'll want them.” or “Oh – don't you feel like this is something you're going to regret when you're older? Don't you feel like you'll be incomplete without going through all that?”

And I will say, again, I don't want to have kids.

No, dear world, it is not my duty to bear a child. It is not my 'duty' to be pregnant, or raise a child from the bottom up. And I would appreciate it if people stopped looking at me like somehow, somewhere, some day, this pink-hued glow will color my vision, and I will become suddenly a baby-hungry machine.

I know a lot of woman my age, younger and older, who want children. They're totally happy with that, and the world is ok with that. But when I express the fact that I don't want kids, suddenly people get upset, people get angry, people get wistful and weird – like they know something I don't know...

Well, here's what I know: The thought of being pregnant terrifies me. The thought of raising a totally helpless creature for the entirety of it's life terrifies me. Squishy baby heads...no way. The thought of bringing more children in to an already overpopulated world alarms me. The thought of being judged in a world absolutely awful to mothers – working or not, makes me angry. The thought of putting my own life on hold for a baby would make me miserable (I'm a horribly selfish person, I know).

And I'll be honest – I have never honestly felt 'motherly'. You can ask the M – whenever he's in need of some TLC, or any kind of doting, I'm usually the last person he asks. Or if he seriously needs it, I react like Sheldon does with Penny. Yes – this is how I do motherly.

Now, don't get me wrong, I freakin' love kids (and I do possess compassion - it's just rarely classified under 'motherly'). Kids are awesome. I think kids are some of the coolest people on the planet - and I really think we should take kids more seriously. Teenagers are awesome. But I do NOT want to be their mother. Nope. 

I'd rather be the cool auntie – taking them for trips, showing them things, making their parents angry when they come home all worldly and totally grouchy because their mom and dad aren't as awesome as Auntie Mel. I'd much rather challenge kids, teach them, help them, laugh with them, share moments with them. Be the kind of adult Iwish I had around when I was young. And for me, that doesn't mean motherhood.

I'd much rather be an Aunt. And I think it's gonna stay that way, world – so please:  stop giving me that look, leave my womb alone and just accept it.