Outfit Post - Pink and Polka Dots

(I call this one my 'fuck flattering' pose)

First fashion post? Yes, I think so. Now - I don't know if you can tell or not, but I'm new to both a) being photographed and not trying to hide, and b) fashion in general. I'm the type of girl who spends most of her time clothes shopping hiding in between the clothing racks. Although when I do find pieces that speak to me, I certainly take the opportunity and nab 'em. 

Most people decribe my style as something between a grandma on acid, mixed with a Balkan Mori Girl. Yes. It's cutting edge. Did I say I was new to this whole fashion thing already? 

Anyway - here's the details 

Polka-dot tank top - Forever 21+ 

Pink Circle skirt - Thrifted (Courage, My Love - Toronto)

Black Leather Moccasins - Walmart

Lipstick - Lush 

I think the most expensive thing on this list was the lipstick (whaaat?!) and even that I bought on sale. It's amazing what having no money can do to your outfits. But honestly - this is one of my favourite formal-yet-no-too-formal outfits to wear out. That skirt is one of my absolute favourites - it's flouncy in all the right ways. Don't mind the bike shorts peeking out - I'm not the most lady-like in skirts and such; to avoid incident I always wear these so I can be as un-ladylike as I want to.

How to Be a Fat Bitch - Part 3: Seeing Beauty in Fat Bodies

So the latest assignment on How to Be a Fat Bitch is based around seeing beauty in fat bodies. So please, enjoy pictures of awesome, amazing fatties (many of which I swiped from Lookbook.nu) while I rant about body image and society. 

First off, I'd like to direct all of you to a post I wrote about long, long, looong ago on fat-activism blogs and my relationship with them. I still get warm fuzzies when I read it – so you should read it too.

When I first started getting involved in the fat activism community, I was fully convinced that my body was the most abhorrent, ugly thing in the world. I was sure that I fit in with the other shapeless, face-less fatties that news reports always showed. I honestly and truly believed that because of my shape and size, I was unlovable, unsuccessful and a complete and that there was nobody struggling with the same issue – I was the fatty in a world of skinny people.

 (Nadia Aboulhosn)

And I mean – why shouldn't I? We all live in a world where society tells people – especially women, that our bodies are public property. Our bodies are our ultimate 'pass or fail' mark. If you don't fit in with the mould society has made for you and your body, your whole value and worth as a human being are put in to contested territory. The media also does a great job of keeping fat bodies OUT of our daily lives. When's the last time you opened a magazine and saw an awesome fat girl doing...well...anything?

Now – I fell for that. For a very long time. I missed out on a lot of living because of it. I wouldn't go swimming – lest someone see my ugly rolls through my awful one-piece swimsuit. I hid under layers and layers of clothing that hid my figure and inhibited my freedom. I let go of a dream I had held on to for so long – being a dancer. I refused to wear shorts – instead hiding under jeans even in sweltering heat.

 (OD R)

And every time I saw a fat body depicted, anywhere, I flinched and looked away. How shameful. How awful. How ugly and evil and scary...

Media in today's society does very little to encourage women, young and old, to accept fat bodies. In fact, more often than not fat people are demonized, stereotyped and fit in to the most cliche'd of tropes. We're offered very little more than 'the funny one' or 'that fat chick' – we're not human, we're fodder for the aspirations and agendas of skinny people. 

 (Audrey G)

I was floored when I watched Raven Symone on That's So Raven. A fat girl having her own show – it floored me. I let out a yelp of glee when Adele came on the scene, unashamed of her body and refusing to let the trolls in media make her feel otherwise. Seeing Melissa McCarthy on Gilmore Girls be a character despite her weight – so much love.

Soon I turned to other arenas - one of the biggest being tumblr. There is a whole community of awesome fat girls and gents doing so many awesome things. Redefining fashion - an industry that has for so long excluded fatties, to suit themselves. Speaking up on issues affecting fatties. Targetting the trolls and questioning and challenging the once previously believed 'facts' on fat. Taking pictures of their naked bodies as acts of acceptance and love. 

 (Blast from the past!!)

I began to realize that, no, I wasn't the only fat girl on the planet – in fact, there were scads of us. I took a life drawing course and drew a beautiful fat woman over and over again. I began to read fat-positive blogs, I discovered the word 'Fatsion'. I connected with and began communicating with all sorts of fatties from all around the world – ladies from all walks of life, all different situations – connecting because of the very thing that has set us back for so many years. I began taking pictures of myself again, losing layers of clothing, wearing fatkinis, eating out and laughing louder.

But you know what the biggest change was? I suddenly wasn't afraid of fat bodies anymore.

You see, once we refuse to let the world cloister us behind layers of clothing, hide us away in closets and media blackouts, we begin to truly see ourselves. We begin to accept that, hey, maybe fat people are human. Maybe fat bodies are *gasp, attractive, beautiful, worth something more than just fetishes and jokes. 

 (Madison D)

When we make fat something that can be talked about, something that can be seen, we begin to heal. We begin to connect. We begin to gain back the confidence we lost through years of targeted hate.

And now that that's begun – look out world. You're going to be seeing fatkinis and awesome fat bitches everywhere, whether you like it or not! So please, fat people of the world, quit hiding. You are more than a faceless body - you are worthy of beauty and love! Get out in to the world and take up the space you deserve. 

Because the world needs to see you.

(Arlie S)

How to be a fat bitch - Part two: Reclaim the word 'Fat'

Hello - my name is Fat ♥.

I'm a little late for this lesson in How to be a Fat Bitch (okay – like 3 or 4 weeks late - oops). I really struggled with this exercise – but after my womanifesto, I've decided I really can't afford to hold back. This is a sort of fatifesto - a topic I could write for ages on. I've compiled a lot of my feelings in to one post - I'll let the work speak for itself.***

Fat. Until I was six, I was Melissa. I was that silly little girl who was always covered in mud and never liked to wear clothes (some habits you never shake, I guess...). I was good at art and dancing and was always really really nice.

Then, suddenly, I became fat.

A girl sneered at me, finger crooked in my direction, yelling the word at me like a harpoon, and laughter erupted across the classroom. The sense of shame and guilt that the word carried...I understood it even at the age of six.

It felt dehumanizing. Suddenly I wasn't Melissa – I was That Fat Girl, Fatty, Whale, Your Fatness, Ugly – I gained a veritable encyclopedia of new names – awful ones. When you're different, especially if you're fat, you lose your name, your thoughts, your worth, your very identity. You become fat. And fat, to the people using it as a weapon against you, is nuclear-grade awful.

I spent my entire childhood avoiding that word.

Mom never kept a scale. I'd go to friends houses to weigh myself. 68 pounds. 89 pounds. 100 pounds. 150 pounds. My life suddenly inflated and deflated with my body's rhythms. Although it mostly deflated as my body seemingly inflated.

Every time I heard that word – fat – it felt as though my world was ending. It was the ultimate weapon against me. Shame and guilt and fear of rejection can do some serious damage, especially when they're used against you while you're forming your very understanding of the world around you.

I spent my entire teenage years trying to avoid that word.
That damn word that caused me so so much pain.

All my faults, all my mistakes and failures, were blamed on my fat. She'd be so pretty if she wasn't so big. So fat. Move over fatass – you're blocking my view. Fat. Guys don't like you because you're fat. If only you'd drop a few pounds. Get in to shape now with this new weight loss breakthrough. Don't you know it's bad for you, carrying around all that extra weight?

Until a few years ago a crippling anxiety began growing over me and my relationship to fat, growing as I went through high school. Fat became a crisis. A Universal Health Risk. Obesity. Suddenly the word that had tortured me my entire life was accepted more, under the mask of 'science' and a new breed of hatred followed. Anxiety took over. I started counting calories. I started wondering whether the lunch I ate really had value staying in my stomach. I started thinking that maybe if I stopped eating – replacing food with this or that, I could kill this demon following me.

Until a few years ago, I had an eating disorder that doctors wouldn't diagnose because I am fat. Again, that word. That bias. That hatred.I've had to navigate the waters of recovery on my own because of the power of that word.

That damn word has defined me and my relationship towards my body for too long. It's haunted me and chased me like some kind of ghost out of one of those creepy as hell horror movies. All white faced and thin – just like the media wants me. Another nicely fitting peg to slide in to the mould and leave. Another shadow of the person they could be floating around - at least they're skinny, though, right?

No more. 

Yes, world. I am fat. Fat. You hear me? That word you've used as a weapon against me, that word that has tied me down, quieted me, ordered me to take up less space than I do – as if you even had the right to demand that of me!

I am fat. I am healthy. I am wonderful. I am a freakin' human being and being FAT does not make me any less than you. I will take up as much space as I damn please, and I refuse to let your hateful words define me any more. I'm taking this word and I am making it mine. I'm covering it in glitter and dancing with it.

So next time you try to tell me I'm fat – I'll laugh. I'll say 'You bet' and dance my fat ass away from you. Because I'm wonderful. And I will not live the rest of my life hating the body I live in because seeing a happy, healthy fat person makes you uncomfortable (get over it). Because our society defines a woman's worth by her ability to match the very, very narrow standard of beauty (I'm sick of it). I will not live in a society that demonizes people for the space they take up (there's enough space for everyone).

I'm happy, healthy, human - and, yes, fat! Get over it and accept it. Because I am – finally.

***I would also just like to point out that this is the first time I've actually shared pictures of myself on this blog. And these are the first pictures in a long time where I actually do feel pretty darn gorgeous...

Instead of feeling bad about your body...

Source: living-moon.tumblr.com via Melissa on Pinterest

Here are 100 ways to get out of that funk and start practicing some self-love. Take a deep breath and try any or all of these!

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Go for a walk ♥ Stretch it out ♥ Dance around wildly (undies and hairbrush are optional, but encouraged) ♥ Draw hearts all over it ♥ Trace your stretchmarks ♥ Look at some beautiful fat bodies ♥ Sketch some humans ♥ Get a massage ♥ Put on some red lipstick ♥ Paint your nails ♥ Throw some confetti ♥ Take a long bath ♥ Watch the clouds ♥ Sing as loudly as you can ♥ Make something beautiful ♥ Laugh until you cry ♥ Make a snow angel ♥ Read your horoscope ♥ Watch something ridiculous ♥ Play a great game ♥ Bake a cake ♥ Eat a cake ♥ Put on some perfume ♥ Try out a new outfit ♥ Help someone else ♥ Smile ♥ Say something positive ♥ Talk to yourself in the mirror ♥ Turn off the TV ♥ Listen to some happy music ♥ Clean up a space that needs attention ♥ Water plants ♥ Make a bird feeder ♥ Add sparkles to something ♥ Wear some silly socks ♥ Snuggle in to your favourite outfit ♥ Get a hug ♥ Sing all the words to this (I know you know it) ♥ Read a book ♥ Read this book ♥ Have some tea ♥ Give yourself a hug ♥ Play with a cat ♥ Watch this cat ♥ Make up a stupid costume ♥ Light a candle ♥ Wash your face ♥ Learn 10 words in a new language ♥ Make a collage ♥ Take some pictures ♥ Go to a store and pick out paint chips ♥ Make some paper stars ♥ Soak up some sunlight ♥ Pick some flowers ♥ Say 3 nice things about yourself ♥ Take a nap ♥ Write down ten bad thoughts, then destroy the paper ♥ Smudge ♥ Journal ♥ Say a prayer ♥ Donate 5 dollars to a charity of your choice ♥ Tell someone else they're beautiful ♥ Write a letter ♥ Call an old friend ♥ Call or talk to your mom ♥ Paint something (and get messy) ♥ Make a pinata ♥ Watch a TED talk ♥ Hug a tree ♥ Bake some cookies ♥ Give some cookies to someone who needs them ♥ Learn to do a cartwheel ♥ Learn to knit or crochet ♥ Make some button flowers ♥ Write down 10 things you're thankful for ♥ Write a letter to your body ♥ Draw a self-portrait ♥ Unplug ♥ Paint your toe nails ♥ Wear your favourite undies ♥ Watch the stars ♥ See the sun set or rise ♥ Catch raindrops or snowflakes on your tongue ♥ Play in leaves ♥ Build a blanket fort ♥ Read SARK ♥ Make some guerilla art ♥ Decorate your shoes ♥ Write a poem ♥ Make a funky t-shirt ♥ Look at your fingerprints (so cool) ♥ Try henna-ing your hair ♥ Read a kid's book ♥ Visit someone ♥ Rearrange your clothes ♥ Listen to some classical music ♥ Watch some people ♥ Read some body positive blogs ♥ Write out your feelings ♥ Try this yoga move

How to be a Fat Bitch: 5 Things

Source: google.fr via Melissa on Pinterest

I'm taking part in Rachele's How to be a Fat Bitch e-course, where we all work together to create a space within ourselves and around ourselves to be more loving of ourselves and our bodies. I'm loving what she's got so far, so here's my assignment for week one. 

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5 things I can do that will make me happy

I will be Rachel Berry. 

For this course, I choose Rachel Berry from Glee as my mentor. She's self-centered (but so delightfully unapolegetically so), has talent, and is not afraid to show and admit that. She's a star, she knows she is, and she owns it. I want to own my gifts, and truly pursue what makes me happy at all costs. 

I will be as loud as I want to.

I'm so tired of people trying to keep me quiet. Whether I'm laughing loudly, or I'm trying to speak my mind about a difficult topic, I will not be silent. I'm tired of it. I have a lovely voice, and I want to be heard. 

I will throw out all of my ratty, negative clothes.

They're doing me no good at all, other than taking up much-needed space in our room. Anything I haven't worn in a month, or that I will not wear within the next week will be donated so someone who needs it more than me can wear it. 

I will cook one delicious meal this week.

Because cooking is fun, and eating is even more fun. And I deserve to eat and enjoy good, good food.

I will dress to impress, not to hide. 

I will not wear the same outfit three times a week, in a row. I will be adventurous and try out new things. I will also dress for myself, and dress fantastically - just because very few people can see me (oh small towns in the middle of winter...sometimes you drive me bonkers) doesn't mean I can't look good. 

My Fat, Beautiful, Healthy Body

So all over the blogosphere, I've been reading articles focusing on this terrifyingly disappointing attraction gracing Disney World. And then there's this one, too.

As a girl who's been 'fat' for almost my entire childhood, I know how much shame can hurt and affect a child's health. Teaching and forcing us in to hating ourselves, blaming ourselves, and feeling like our body is our biggest problem doesn't 'encourage' children to be healthy. Shame does not equate to health.

Not only is this attraction, in my eyes, a huge mistake, but it is also a missed opportunity. Why couldn't Disney have created an attraction which promoted unity, friendship, and love within childhood circles. Instead of circling and shaming the fat people, let's encourage everyone to play together, fat, skinny, smelly, clean, anxious, calm.

Instead of equating fat people with villains, let's make safe places for children to play, that all people can attend and afford. Let's give children the right to play, free of stigma, hate, and maybe *gasp* let kids do what they do best - move and play freely.